Fashion fight to the death ft. family stylings

Last week I presented four of my nearest and dearest with a challenge: style me an outfit. It’s a task that will probably never become a hit TV show like Don’t Tell the Bride or Storage Hunters (here the word ‘hit’ loses meaning slightly) but it made for a fun afternoon.   Each contestant was given my phone which has an app called Closet, a virtual wardrobe where you can scroll through photos of everything you own and create outfits without taking your eyes off Dave repeats for longer than a minute. Handy. Let’s see how they did…

Contestant 1 is my boyfriend Rory. He chose two patterned items, so it turns out he’s been listening to the constant stream of clothes talk that pours out of me like a forgotten tap. The floral shirt (Primark) gives that pop of colour while the bulldog-printed trousers (Zara) add some slightly less vibrant interest. Chunky boots (Topshop) give a bit of toughness to an outfit that could otherwise be a bit twee. Overall a good job.

Contestant 2 is my rather fashion-conscious brother. He got off to a good start by incorporating my snazzy new skirt (Topshop). Now I assure you, dear reader, I am not in fact wearing white tights- I really am that pale. He added a jumper from Another British Jumper at TK Maxx (seriously the men’s jumper section is the best thing ever) and white sandals from Blondie. I’m thrilled that the jumper addition works- there’s now no reason to ever take this skirt off. I was worried that not having something tucked in or cropped would make me look a lot wider but I don’t think it does.

Contestant 3 is my dad, who, as a rock fan, has nicely incorporated his own tastes into the look. (Since the previous skirt look had my legs looking impossibly white I added tight this time to avoid vampire chic.) The Kiss vest (And Finally at Topshop) provides the colour and print that I can’t live without, and the safety pin skirt (H&M) just continues the theme. This skirt was purchased around the time when I discovered Alexander McQueen, so it has a very special place in my heart. The shoes are from New Look, but I hardly ever wear them because they make me walk like a pigeon with a gammy leg (for real- it has to be seen to be believed, I even do the neck bobbing thing they do).

Contestant 4 is my mum. Being the only female in the competition, and my original style icon, she had a lot to prove. But was she up to the challenge? I realise that it looks like I’ve gone for a rather saucy neckline here but it’s just because the bralet (Topshop) I have underneath happens to blend into the colour of my skin quite nicely- no matter where I took the photo I couldn’t get it to show up. For the love of God, someone give me a spray tan. Here’s what it should look like up close: The use of the bee cardigan (Monsoon) was crafty as it is my all-time favourite item of clothing, no ifs no buts no coconuts. The chinos (New Look- another reminder of the dark, dark days of waitressing) and the boots (also New Look) smarten the knit up for evenings.

At this early stage I have not yet sent any contestants home. I think they’ve all proved that they can style an outfit without making me look like I got dressed in the dark (or at least no more than I usually do), and that in itself is admirable. I hope this shows that you don’t have to be a fashion-enthusiast, or look away from Top Gear reruns to create a good outfit! To see who wins the competition to end all competitions, pop over to my instagram page (@jumperweatherstyle https://instagram.com/jumperweatherstyle/ ) this evening.